Gravity versus The Speed of Light; aka why you're still single

Ladies and Gents! Welcome to the Biggest Loser nowgetoffyourassandfixit Show!

I have the secret to finding the perfect partner/ lover. It was in a box, but I dug it up, patented it, and now am selling you the generic version. You're welcome.

I'm gonna use metaphors... cause that's how I do.

As anyone who isn't a moron knows... (this excludes my COLLEGE chemistry professor and a one dimensional point in an infinitesimal vacuum) that gravity changes depending on the planet you find your whiny ass on. Hell, it changes everywhere.

Haha... hell changes....anyway....

Gravity, and its bearing on you; its ability to drag you down into the deepest depths of depression...that stuff has NOTHING to do with you. Your mass will be the same regardless of the gravitational effect and/or how strong it is. New G forces don't fix your need for attention of bulimia. You gotta fix that shit yourself. Getting pulled in by gravity only causes you to give away mass as you try to shed their snarky comments on your appearance. The ironic part is every loss of mass you contribute to them only makes their force over you stronger, until you're a shell of the person you used to be, well on your way to being a candidate for growth in the nebula sector. While you may be willing to learn from your mistakes, actually densifiying and getting this opportunity is tedious, and some handsome, dense, stable star out there may not even recognize you, let alone have the time to fix you.

You will convince yourself the relationship is romantic. He needs you. Your mass makes him stronger! Having to solve all their concerns means you get to ignore your own! Hooray for projection! The longer you stay in this unblanced state, the harder it will be to regain your muscle mass when you get back to your home planet. Gravity should make you very conscious of what planets you want in your solar powered self esteem system. You need to be deliberate about inviting the right sources of push and pull into your life, in order to best complement your sexy mass. Unfortunately, people don't change very much just cause you stamp your foot, especially if you go into a relationship expecting a major overhaul. "No really, I'll change, I swear I'll be different tomorrow!" Nope. You're gravity. You're a formula written on the inside cover of every physics book ever printed. You can't get away from yourself. Gravity is still there after you run away. While gravity just changes your perspective, the core of you will remain the same.

The intensity of gravity and the odorless tug of negativity and debt and dissatisfaction with themselves and therefore everything else around them, will eat at your soul until you find yourself with a package of Oreos ...or a bottle of Xanex wondering what the point to living is. You'll focus so much of your energy trying to change gravity's effects that you'll turn into an indentured servant and lose all sense of what it was like before gravity.

While gravity ATTRACTS you, it is all a function of the distraction of the other person. Their better qualities do not cancel out their suicidal tenancies as it drags you down with it, but you're quite sure that they will WANT to change if only you gave them more of yourself. Staying there and blaming things on gravity, doesn't change gravity's effect or how it treats everything around it. Gravity is self-centered and dense. A mutual sharing of responsibility is highly unlikely, no matter how cute you dress or how hard you work to understand them. You are the one choosing not to recognize who gravity is, and choosing to stay in gravity's power of influence. You're gonna get no sympathy from anyone who has been shit on by a seagull or a gaggle of geese.

The conversation will probably sound something like this:
"Gravity sucks. I can't wait for the day that the rain will stop falling on me, getting me soaking wet, giving me a cold and nearly killing me with pneumonia"
"Have you considered San Diego?"

If you find the intensity of gravity to be overwhelming, get away quickly as soon as you realize its capacity to suck all of your potential energy away...until you are nothing but kinetic energy and head for that brick wall called marriage.

"Here in this pile of rubble lies Sally's dignity. RIP"

Buy a rocket or something. One way tickets are pricey, but saves so much time in the long run.
Time=Your Life. Spend wisely.

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Then there are the people who think they fucking know everything and everyone would know everything too, if only they saw it the same way. They ride around in the quiet vacuum of space, test-driving various comets at all sorts of angles toward and away from the sun, then inform a bystander, at top of their lungs, while they're tipsy at their high school reunion, that the speed of light actually CHANGES cause they have SEEN it from their little perch on the comet-y thing....forgetting that the comet is MOVING TOO! "No REALLY! You have to check out my sweet new comet ride, you can see for yourself!" and all the time forgetting that their perspective isn't the same fucking perspective as everyone else.

Honestly, take a look around once in a while. You are not the only fucking person that exists. Your relationship with the world around you has caused you to be an individual, not a fucking guru. If you shut your face once in a while, you might actually learn something you didn't know.

This person may have thought that their dream guy was the guy who scoffed at E=mc2, but alas, he just wants to get in your pants and will leave you in the middle of the night while you sleep peacefully.

Why would you hang out with someone who could seriously ignore everything going around them in order to form some foundation for self esteem that is built on a fault like and has no seismic protection??!?! No amount of reasoning will change this situation. You never know when the earthquake will hit either. They might accidentally turn on the Discovery Channel and become an invalid. Again, stay away from these people. Give them a ball of yard to play with or a piece of double sided tape.

Know what the bitch about BOTH of these types of people is? You're probably a little like both of them, and you need to start meeting strangers with an open mind, accepting them for who they are at face value, regardless of what you want to improve. You need to know you'll be ok if that stuff you want to improve only gets worse. The tricky part is avoiding the two pitfalls above by not being either of them.

Know the things you can change in yourself/them, know the things you cannot, try to always stay aware of the difference.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Live deliberately, your friends reflect you so surround yourself with the best. Life is too short to deal with a bowling ball in a carry on handcuffed to your bike frame. Know what you want for yourself and from a relationship. Do a self-check every now and then to make sure you're still on that tract.

Good luck with staying rational when attractive people are around. I can't. Heh.

[[[Me? I'm more like silly putty. I can be sticky and copy newspapers. I stretch the truth. I snap when you pull me in two different directions simultaneously, and I like sleeping curled up in a ball in the dark]]]